Lessons I Learned From Trauma

Annella McPherson
4 min readAug 2, 2021
Photo by Ravi Roshan on Unsplash

Today makes ten years since my near fatal car accident. When asked, “How do you keep going?”. My answer is simply that I held on.. I have faced many challenges. I still have the unanswered question “Why?” However, I have learned these valuable lessons:

  1. I am stronger than I think. — I’ve been discouraged by the many hurdles. I sometimes feel like throwing in the towel. I have constantly said that I have no more to give or no fight left. I am tired in every aspect of the word. Yet, I somehow always find the inner strength to continue. If you search your own story, you will see that you too have done the same. You would have gotten through difficult situations in your life — situations that seemed impossible to overcome. I am still here. You are still here. We are stronger than we think.
  2. Learn who your true support team is and cherish those individuals. — “When days are dark, friends are few.” At the lowest and loneliest point in my life, I understood what this meant. I learned to establish my support team. In the process, I lost some friends… but… I gained some new ones that I now consider family. These persons, along with my own family, have backed me every step of the way. For this, I am truly grateful.
  3. Everything happens for a reason. — As true as it is, I hate this cliché. In retrospect, the accident paved the way for many opportunities and friendships/bonds. It gave me the chance to make a positive impact in the life of youths. Most importantly, it enabled personal growth. Unforeseen circumstances are inevitable. Our reaction to those circumstances will determine the quality of our future. This has been the most difficult lesson for me. However, when you focus on the learning instead of the time taken to learn, it makes things a lot easier.
  4. It is ok to ask for help. — I love my independence. I lost it when I fully depended on family to bathe, use the toilet and even to walk. I became angry, bitter and resentful for the quality of life that I was then living. What I did not realize was that I was grieving for my past. I learned that grieving was not only related to death and that it had many forms. As a result, I had to seek the help of a counselor. Initially, I was ashamed because of the stigma attached to seeing a shrink. However, mental health is very important. Seeing a counselor does not signify crazy or weird. It simply means that you have the courage to get the help you need to live the life you deserve to live. Be courageous and take that step if you need to! It worked for me and it was worth it.
  5. Do not compare yourself to others. — I currently wish that I were further in life (a successful career, a family of my own, be able to travel the world, etc.). In observing, it often seems as though life is working out for everyone else. As a result, I end up beating up on myself for this. Instead of seeing who I am, I end up seeing who I am not or what I do not have. For anyone else who has this habit, you know that comparison to others is one of the greatest thieves of happiness. I had to learn (I am still learning this) that no two horses run alike. I also had to learn that flowers blossom at different times. It simply means that it is not my time yet. However, I can prepare myself for when that time comes. While you wait for your time to come, strive to become the best version of yourself. Your story is unique and you will have a story to tell from it. Make your time count!
  6. Hope is as real as you make it. — After 26 June 2011, I gradually lost hope in my academics, love, my future and life itself — EVERYTHING!!! However, with help, I started seeing things in a new light. I soon realized that all these experiences have taught me the things that I deserve, have and want. I also showed me the things I do not deserve, have or want. I have learned (and am still learning) how to focus on the DO (positive) instead of on the DO NOT (negative). I still struggle greatly with maintaining that hope. However, I had to make the choice to be open to learning. It all started with me. It all starts with you.

I know that I have said a lot. For most, it is just another year. For me, it is a year that reminds me of my second chance at life. I have chosen to share the struggles and lessons learned over the years. If it helps at least one person, then my mission would have been accomplished. Continue to hold on. I got this! You got this! We got this!!!.

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Annella McPherson

Exercise enthusiast | Art and Anime Lover | Amateur Writer | Deep Thinker | Realist